Cartman the Brony
by Yandere Lolli56
Summary: Cartman attends bronycon hoping to find some new merchandise. However, he gets more then he bargained for when his secret hobby is announced to the class KennyXCartman eventually.
1. Chapter 1

Cartman smiled. 2 months of saving and planning had been worth it. He was finally here, at the most wonderful place in the world.

A place where both young and old found joy, and even the most cynical of hearts could joyfully sing along.

He was talking, of course about bronycon.

* * *

Yes, Eric Cartman, the racist self centered sociopath had a soft spot for ponies. It had all happened when his local video store had accidentally replaced Saw 4 (directors cut) with season one of My little pony. Eric Cartman, sadist extraordinaire, had rented the slasher flick expecting a solid hour and a half of gore.

What he got, however, was something entirely different.

Bright colors, catchy songs, and most importantly, a lovable cast of endearing characters.

At first, the boy had immediately turned it off, blushing in shame. What if somebody had caught him? They wouldn't listen to his excuses, they would be too busy turning him into the next butters.

Cartman had a plan. He would return the video to the store the next day, and yell at whatever poor worker happened to have rented him it. Then he would go home and eat a pound of raw meat because, goddamnit, he was a man.

At least, that what was what he thought would happen.

However, while he was sleeping, something unexpected happened.

* * *

7 year old Flora Neal snuck downstairs, wanting to have a light night marathon of her favorite show. Her parents had rented it for her as one of her birthday presents. With a mischievous grin, she snuck downstairs to watch it, with her big blanket in tow. Settling down with a cup of her favorite coca-extra marshmallows- she snuggled up and waited to hear the opening theme.

As you can probably guess, she didn't see quite what she was expecting, and a couple lawsuits later, the video store was out of business.

Leaving Eric Cartman with a girly ass DVD, Which he swore to never watch.

The thing is, curiosity is a bitch. After 3 days he locked his door, Turned the volume low, and prepared to watch the DVD with the sole purpose of making fun of it.

Eric Cartman was, by definition, an unhappy person. Not taking into account the tears he shed when no one was looking, he was a ball of unfocused anger. At what, he was not sure, although he had a pretty good idea that it was Obama's fault.

But something strange happened during the course of that first episode.

He felt just the tiniest bit happier.

It was absurd, but he sort of liked it, even if it was a bit off-putting. It wasn't the euraphic glow that happened when he finally got his way, nor was it the angry joy he felt when somebody he hated got punished.

It was warm and gentle, and it seemed to fill him up in a way almost nothing else did.

He paused, pondering this, before putting on a second episode.

* * *

**Hey everybody **** I hope you enjoyed this fic so far. Please leave review's and criticism. I want to get better. **


	2. Chapter 2

And now here he was, at the moment that validated everything that had happened from the second he walked into the video store.

He took a deep breath, adjusted his pink curly wig and smoothed out his dress.

He was ready.

* * *

Upon entering the room, he instantly felt insecure.

He had spent numerous days planning for the the perfect cosplay. At first, he thought of cosplaying as his favorite pony, Rainbow dash, but decided not to. After all, he couldn't wear a rainbow colored wig without everybody thinking he was a fag.

So instead, he settled for dressing up like pinkie pie. He bought the dress online and spent hours trying to sew 3 tiny balloon pictures on it. After thousands of pricked fingers he gave up and decided to paint it on with fabric paint he got at Michaels.

But it seemed that was all for naught as he looked at everybody else's outfits. They all seemed so much better. They're was one pretty girl dressed as flutter shy who was loudly boasting about how her cosplay had cost 600 dollars. Another boy had the muscled form that worked perfectly with his Big Mac costume.

Eric was about to bolt out the door he felt somebody tap his shoulder. He turned around to see two girls. Neither was in cosplay, although they did sport mlp shirts.

"Excuse me, we were just wondering if we could take your picture" the short girl in glasses said.

Eric stopped for a moment before striking a pose.

The girl shot a picture, before smiling and thanking him, and the other girl told him that his cosplay was awesome, with obvious admiration in her eyes. By the time they left he felt a great a great deal better.

He was ready. Watch out bronycon. Eric cartman is here, and ready to make your con 20% cooler.

* * *

As it turns out, the two girls were the first of many picture takers, and by the end of the day, Cartman felt thoroughly satisfied with himself. He hadn't remembered the last time he smiled this hard.

And on top of that, he got to meet Tara strong herself. How cool was that?

So when a man with asked to interview him, he took it as the icing on top of the perfect-day cake. He figured it was somebody from equestria daily, talking about the con to the poor people who couldn't pay entry fees or something. He shook the man's hand, sat down and got ready to answer the questions.

* * *

"First of all, can you please tell me your name, and who you are dressing up as?"

"I'm Eric cartman, and I am cosplaying as pinkie pie" Cartman retorted with a smile on his face.

"Uhh-huh. How old are you, Eric?"

"Well, I'm 16"

"That's good. What do you like about my little pony, friendship is magic?"

"The characters are cute, and it makes you feel happy" Eric knew he probably sounded stupid, but it was the best answer he could think of.

"Uhh-huh, that's right. Now do you like to fap to ponies?"

"Wait what"

"Oh sorry, I forgot. You people have special names for that kind of thing."

"I-"

"Do you like to clop?"

"No I-"

"Do you dream about taking a pony by the plot and just-UNF" he wildly gestured to his crotch.

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't"

"Then why are you wearing a dress?" the man asked. "Obviously no man would wear a dress unless he had deep-seated emotional issues."

The man suddenly got a shifty look in his eyes.

"Unless… unless you're a faggot"

"I'm not!" Eric protested, all the good events of the day had boiled away, and he felt his rage rise.

"Why would a man like ponies, unless he was gay or a pervert?" the man asked, and Eric found himself snapping.

"Listen here. There's porn of everything. EVERYTHING. If you knew how to turn on a computer you would see that. It's not hurting anybody. As long as they don't shove it in my face I'm fine. It doesn't make them any less of a person because they like something! Secondly, I love this show. Ponies have made me a happier person and I'm grateful for that. I'm happy that so many people feel the same way I do. And if jerking off to a drawing of a cartoon horse makes you happy, go ahead and do it! As long as you realize that it isn't real, and then they're should be no problem at all. Because guess what? It hurts nobody. If after your 15 minutes of frantic jerking off, you can go along with your business knowing that none of it is real, and then be my fucking guest." Eric finished his mini speech with a triumphant smile on his face.

The man was silent for a couple seconds before opening is mouth.

"So, just to get this straight, you like jacking off to ponies"

He couldn't believe it. Why did this have to happen to him? Could he have just one day without things going wrong? Was it too much to ask to be happy for just one goddamn day?

He ran out of the room, not caring who he pushed over. Fuckers deserved it.

On his way out, his pink wig fell and was trampled and his autographed poster torn.

_Great. _He thought, unwilling tears coming to his eyes.

_Just fucking great._

* * *

**Awww, poor Cartman.**

**Please review. I want to get better.**


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